The Big Picture
by Trurotaketwo
Summary: The Big Cheese is working on a top secret project. Will the Pizza Cats be able to pull the plug on it? Or will they simply bicker, and bungle through another disaster. Featuring Guido's singing debut!
1. Invasion of the Penguin

Invasion of the battery eating penguin by Truro

Little Tokyo is a city of progress and tradition. Where the old meets the new. Speaking of new; Hello! I'm the storywriter! Unfortunately, the narrator couldn't be with us, due to tragic circumstances-

I couldn't afford to pay him a wage packet.

Anyway, we start this chapter at night, where Speedy, Guido and Polly, are giving the pizza parlour its pre-bedtime cleanup. Starring up at the stars, out through the windows can get one's mind to wonder. Well, not mine course. I get mentally stimulated by listening to a bit of S Club.

"I see the storywriter's tastes are no better, than the narrator." said Guido. What do you know; you're just a cartoon character!

"The moon sure looks bright, tonight." Said Polly, "Almost makes me want to sing." she made a quick grab for the tails of the tomcats who were trying to get away, before she burst into song,

"Where do you think you're going?" she growled.

"Just down to the pharmacists!", Speedy blurted,

"Yeah! The kids next door are always playing rap music, and keeping us up, so we thought we'd get some ear plugs!" added Guido,

"You honestly expect me to believe that?! What kind of bimbo do you think I am?!"

"The really scary kind?"

The cry of "Wrong answer!" pierced the night, almost drowning out the sound of a feminine fist forcing its way into Speedy's mouth."

Francine entered the ring, with a mop and bucket,

"Hey, that cloud looks like its moving pretty fast." Nice way to break it up! The other three gazed out of the doors to look at the fast moving cloud. Well it was moving quite fast, considering that there was no wind.

"Maybe it's got a hot date." Guido suggested,

"Wait!" said Speedy, "I have the answer! Even Michel Fish couldn't come up with an explanation as good as this!"

The others gave him their full attention. Waiting in anticipation, for the end of the sentence-

"Aliens!"

Their expressions turned blank.

"Your explanation for everything is aliens." said Polly, "Lucile turns you down- you blame aliens. No one sends you a Valentine-its aliens. That time we used a whole roll of toilet paper in one day- aliens again."

"Well WE didn't use it all. Unless Guido has an embarrassing habit he wants to talk about."

"Don't be disgusting!" squealed the blue samurai, burning red in the face.

Meanwhile, before my jokes get stale, we move over to the plush chamber of the Big Cheese.

"Honestly, how amateurish!" groaned the cheese, "Putting my appearance so early in the story! How can my revelation shock the audience, at this early point?"

"To be honest Seymour, I think the readers would have guessed that we were the ones behind the whole scheme anyway." said Jerry, "Unless the writer actually has the imagination to create a new boss character, instead of just recycling the ones from the old video game."

"And this is the writer we gave up the animator for? What kind of idiot is directing this thing?!"

Jerry decided not to insult him, by answering.

"How's construction of the Deluxe Ultimate Mega Big Awesome Secret Superweapon progressing?"

"Project D.U.M.B.A.S.S. is progressing slowing, my lord." said the old crow, "We still need explosives and a power source. Remember, this behemoth will need a lot of energy, in order to operate at maximum efficiency."

"In that case, Bad Bird can pick up some batteries, in the morning." The boss looked upwards, to the perch of Bad Bird; the greatest ninja in Little Tokyo, and the strongest warrior the Big Cheese commanded.

"It'll be my pleasure." He said calmly.

Next morning, Speedy faced a great dilemma. A dilemma that was eating him up inside, and driving him to the brink of madness-

"You've been in the bathroom an hour, Guido! It's my turn!"

"_Suddenly love, comes calling…Love comes falling…"_

"And stop that singing!"

In frustration the white wonder stormed off to the ironing board. A cheesed off Polly slammed the coffee pot down onto the table, as Speedy struggled to prop up the ironing board.

"Hurry up in the shower Guido!" she squawked, "I still have to wash my hair!"

"_Suddenly love comes yearning…Love comes burning…"_

"AND STOP THAT SINGING!"

"What are you so moody about?" asked Speedy, gruffly

"I didn't get my nine hours of beauty sleep." said Polly, "Two drunken idiots came through my bedroom, doing a conga line."

Speedy blushed, "It was on our route…"

The squeaky clean Guido came out of the bathroom, drying his long black hair. Speedy and Polly jumped for the bathroom (Speedy trapping his fingers in the ironing board), wrestling like a dog and rabbit, battling it out for the phone. Slamming the door, Polly proved victorious.

The angry Speedy returned to his steam less ironing.

"There's nothing like a long cool shower to make you feel like a new man!" Guido boasted, "Of course a facial scrub, and ten face washes are all part of the treatment."

The iron was about to be smashed into the smooth talking Cats face, when Francine burst in.

"Al Dente's on the line" Hurry up everyone!"

The four cats were gathered round the monitor. Al Dente's image appeared in the web cam box.

"There's a giant penguin knocking over convenience stores all over the city."

"Convenience stores? What does he need all those groceries for?" asked Francine

"That's the strange thing." Said the canine Bushi, "All it's been taking are batteries."

"Sounds like he's going a little too far." said Speedy, "I mean, I'm addicted to my Game Boy too, but I don't go through _that_ many batteries."

"You did when Pokemon first came out." said Guido, his hair still dripping,

"Where is it now?" asked Polly wrapped in a towel, "The sooner we stop this monster, the sooner I can have my shower."

"It was last seen in the Eastern shopping district, heading towards the Southern district."

"Alright!" cried Speedy, "Let's fry this penguin, and be back in time for breakfast!"

The sounds of the pizza cat launcher thundering in the distance, were unheard, by Bad Bird (no rhyme intended).

The Pizza Cats arrived on the scene. The giant Penguin was stuffing its beak with AA batteries, as if they were California raisins.

"Wow, he's worse than Polly, with chocolate…" Speedy was cut off by Polly's boot flying down on his tail.

"Damn! It's the pepperoni brigade!" said Bad Bird, "Calling all ninja Crows! Hold then off, while I finish by battery run!"

A latch on the Penguin opened up, and as it sped down the road, a flock of Ninja Crow's flew out.

The trio just stared blankly, "Why am I not surprised?" moaned the still dripping Guido,

"Because the storywriter has no imagination." Polly answered.

Speedy soon perked up, "Hey, now we can have some fun! Lets kick some tail feather!" and drew Binky; the overworked and underappreciated partner blade of the Magical Ginzu Sword, charging towards the birds.

Polly scratched one with her £7.00 Manicure, and leapt onto the roof of a small house, kicking off another crow, leaning into a graceful back flip, before slashing her claws down on the unfortunate bird.

Guido parried a sword blow, with his open Parasol, and did a quick repost, knocking his adversary away. As another ninja tried to jump him from behind, he hopped out of the way, spun around in midair and launched a kunai ninja dart at the attacker

Speedy loudly carved his way through four ninjas, before coming to a crossroad. A larger flock of Ninja Crows were flying towards them, and there were three routes they could take- One straight ahead, one through the subway tunnel, and one over the rooftops.

"I call the high road!" said Polly, jumping up onto the tobacco store roof,

"Dips on the low road!" said Guido running down the stairs,

"Great. Leave the big flock of insane ninja birds to me." Moaned Speedy, "This isn't my day."

He raced towards the crows, beginning to sweat, from the earlier clash. Suddenly, like an angry feline with a frying pan, an idea struck him!

"Polly, I didn't get something I should have got this morning!"

Polly turned red, "We can't do that here, in front of all those prying eyes!"

"Can't do what? I'm talking about my shower."

"Oh." Polly was defiantly embarrassed, "What does that have to do with any of this?"

"Elementary my dear Polly. Body odour can send anyone running!" And he raised his armpits, and ran towards the ninjas.

The unbearable pong had the Crows dropping like flies.

"Thank goodness for clothes pegs." Said Polly, sticking one on her nose.

They finally caught up with the robot. Guido resurfaced, from the subway, via the nearby entrance.

"And now for the best part." Said Speedy, emptying a couple of cans of deodorant

"The henshin?" asked the other excitedly, "The Henshin." The leader grinned. That's the usual introduction that they do in every episode. I believe in Japan such a role call is called a henshin.

"Oh Penguin!" Came Speedy's voice,

"Who could that be I wonder?" said the crow in the driver's seat

"Three guesses. The handsome ladies man in blue is your first clue."

"I'm the cute girl in pink. Clue number two. Love ya!"

"And your third clue is the master swordsman who dresses in white and leads the group."

"Aw great, the Samurai Pizza Cats! Who else?" groaned the bird,

"Wrong!" they chanted, "We're the Power Rangers!"

Bad Bird nearly fell out of his seat at the sheer stupidity of their statement.

"Very funny! Lets see how the handle the robots hover bombs!" pressing the button, Bad Bird activated the weapon system. Hovering UFO-like objects glided out of the shoulder pads.

"Aha! Aliens! I knew it! I knew that they were the source of the problem!" Guido bopped Speedy on the head,

"How does this have anything to do with that cloud?" he snapped.

The gliding bombs sailed down and exploded, just as our heroes leaped out of the way. More gliders emerged from the Penguin's shoulders, chasing the cats down the street.

"Are we losing them?" Speedy puffed,

"No they're still gaining on us!" Polly yelled, "These things are worse than my ex-boyfriend!"

"Our only chance is to get enough distance to do the Cat's eye slash, and finish the monster with one blow!" said Guido, cutting his hover engines and turning around, "I'll draw their attention! The rest is up to you Speedy!"

The blue samurai valiantly stood, holding out his umbrella, like a Knight's shield, bravely egging on the glider bombs.

"Polly! Give Guido some cover fire!" Speedy ordered,

"You got it! One extra large order of heartburn, coming up!" Polly stopped him her tracks, and tossed a barrage of heart-shaped ninja darts, obliterating a number of bombs. The ones that got away kept on course for Guido, who defended himself from the full force of the blasts with his Samurai Sunspot Umbrella.

At last, Speedy got enough distance. He leaped onto the rooftops, to get the right angle of attack.

"I don't want to waste all those batteries, but I'm sure all the Game Boy players in Little Tokyo would rather wait for a new shipment, than see the power behind the legendry handheld fall into the hands of evil!"

With a flash of lightning and a burning wave of fire, the mighty samurai warrior called forth his ultimate weapon; the Magical Ginzu Sword. The rest, you've heard time and time again, from the good old narrator.

"Oh no!" squawked Bad Bird "With all the batteries in this machine, not even the Big Cheese could survive the explosion! Eject! Eject!" he hammered the button, and was catapulted into the sky, where he flapped his wings like a man possessed.

As predicted, the explosion was pretty powerful. So powerful in fact that it blew the Pizza Cats all the way back to the Pizza Parlour.

"Well, I guess we'll skip the victory pose just this once." Speedy muttered before passing out.

"I don't believe it! Not only did we fail to get the power source, but we lost a perfectly good robot!" Seymour raved.

"Not to worry, my liege." Said Jerry, calm, and cold, "The Pizza Cats, may have won this battle, but the war is far from over. Project D.U.M.B.A.S.S. still remains a guarded secret. There are plenty of other power sources available in the city. Mark my words Seymour, the Samurai Cats are doomed, and nothing will be able to save them."

"That easy for you to say Jerry! You're not the one who had to fill out the insurance form, for the robot!" electricity sparked all over the Big Cheese's body, before a violent explosion filled the room.

Back at the restaurant-

"Actishoo!"

"Make sure you don't sneeze on the pizzas Guido!" Speedy teased,

"It's the bad guys fault." Moaned Guido, "Making me go out without even having time to dry my hair. It's no wonder I caught a cold. Couldn't they at least have waited until I got my hands on a hair dryer?"

For the answer to this and other useless questions, log on to the next chapter!

To be continued


	2. Bomb Spotting

Bomb-spotting by Truro

Lucile was a beautiful ram, with big brown sparkly eyes, and a passion for powerful explosives.

Since a ship carrying a rare brand of fireworks was due to arrive at the harbour on this particular morning, she decided to head out early, to do some bomb-spotting: like train-spotting, but less hazardous to your health.

In the Pizza Cat's kitchen, Speedy and Guido go about their duties, over an intellectual conversation.

"Do you think Daisy Ducks hot?"

"Daisy Duck? That's a stupid question." said Guido, "She's just about the most desirable woman on television."

"What about Minnie Mouse?" asked Speedy

"Well, I'd go out with Minnie." said Guido, "But I'd be thinking of Daisy."

After a minute of drooling all over the pizza dough, with visions of the eye-shadow loving bird in their heads, our two wannabe heartthrobs came to a realisation.

"This is stupid." said Speedy, "Day dreaming about sweeping Daisy Duck of her feet. Its insanity!"

Guido sighed heavily, like an old locomotive letting off steam.

"You're right Speedy," he said sadly, "This is an insane conversation."

And he returned to squeezing the dough,

"She'd never ditch Donald, and we know it."

All of a sudden, the phone rang,

"Since when did pizza become a breakfast food?" Polly pondered as she reached for the receiver, "Pizza cats! We deliver! How can I help you?" she asked affecting her sweetest sounding voice.

"One cornflake pizza, to be delivered to warehouse fifteen, at Little Tokyo harbour. Okay. What name is it? Ninja Crow Number 32 (_Wonder what his parents were thinking?_). Okay! It'll be there in twenty minutes! Love ya! Bye!"

The receiver was replaced-

"Hey! Dwarf! Get a cornflake pizza to warehouse fifteen, on the double, or I'll cover you in batter, and serve you up as a spring roll!"

"That girl changes her mood more times than I change my underwear."

"Speedy, I change _my car_ more times than you change your underwear. Now get moving!"

Back at the pier, Lucile was waiting with her camera, when the boat came into view. She decided to get a few shots, of the magnificent vessel. A fleet of Tugs (anyone remember that program?) nudged the mighty freighter into position, to lower the gangplank. The ram moved closer, the butterflies in her stomach dancing an Irish jig.

A sailor carted a crate of explosives down to the dock, where a bird in green armour signed the collection form

The Lucile stepped up to the armoured crow, to ask if it was okay, to take some photographs.

"Sure." said Bad Bird, turning to face her. Looks of sheer horror covered both their faces.

"Ah! It's the girl with the weapons grade dandruff!"

Back at the shop-

"Here are you." said Guido in his smooth voice, placing the pizza down on the table "Fresh from the oven. Can I tell you how much I love you eyes?" the hamster he was seducing blushed beet red; "By the way, I'm a black belt in karate. And as you're about to find out, I'm an excellent cook." He moved his head closer to the girl, "I made this pizza with my own hands, and put a little bit of love into it."

He was now close enough to kiss her. He probably would have too, if the heaviest pan in the parlour hadn't just flown into the side of his head.

"Made it yourself, my stainless steel boot!" nagged Polly, the real pizza chef, "You men are all alike! Telling girls fish stories to get their phone numbers! All you ever think about is football, beer, and women!" Guido hung his red face, in embarrassment, "You're always starring at girls in inappropriate areas, you sit with your legs wide open, as if you actually _enjoy_ being hit in the happy sacks, and you suffer from the delusion that women are fascinated by ironing!"

Guido decided that he'd had enough of this abuse, and decided to fight back,

"That's good, coming from a gender who thinks that the most important thing in the universe is chocolate!" the line worked! Now it was Polly, who was turning red in the face, "You wear a skirt that's about an inch long, and then you get mad when guys look at you!"

Luckily, Guido was too busy verbal fencing with Polly to notice that the hamster was now asking Francine for a take-out box.

Back at the harbour, a series of explosions booming in the distance caught Speedy's attention.

"What the hell was that?!" he asked, lacking anything else to say in response to the loud noises. Having the curiosity of a cat, and the diligence of a samurai, our brave hero investigated. Selflessly risking being late with his delivery and missing out on a tip. What a hero!

"Looks like World War Three." He whispered, as he surveyed the damage, that was obviously caused by missile fire.

Warehouse fifteen was nearby. Speedy decided to make his delivery, and then proceed to investigate. He knocked on the door, and a small crow opened it.

"I have a pizza here for Mr 32." Said the Pizza Man,

"Ah great! We've been looking forward to this!" said Ninja Crow Number 32.

In the corner of his eye, Speedy thought he could see two figures struggling behind some crates. And their raised voices were a bit of a giveaway. Speedy could make out one of the two- an extremely pissed off crow, with charred armour. Speedy was paid, and the door was slammed in front of him. Moving to a convenient hiding spot, the stout delivery boy pulled down the x-ray visor on his helmet. Now he could make out the struggling figures more clearly. The first was obviously Bad Bird (Even though his costume was char grilled from missile fire), and the other was a beautiful ram with big brown sparkly eyes.

"It's Lucile!" Speedy shrieked, as he watched Bad Bird force her into a chair, and cuff her arms to the armrests. She was crying for him let her go. The raving bird was lucky (in a way) that she had already used up all her missiles blasting him before.

Living up to his name, Speedy raced back to the shop, like Sonic the hedgehog heading to the toilet after guzzling a bottle of prune juice.

As soon as he got home, he headed straight for the oven.

"Lucile kidnapped. Bad Bird gone nuts. Warehouse fifteen. Blast off now. Explain later."

Having nothing better to do, the pizza cats leaped into the ovens were their battle armour was powered up, and they shot back to the harbour, to rescue the fair maiden.

They soon arrived at the warehouse. They activated their x-ray visors. Ninja Crow Number 32 was checking the contents of a big create, with a flammable warning label. Bad Bird was rubbing down his armour, and Lucile seemed to be unharmed (although she had now been gagged).

"Those scoundrels! I'll pulverise 'em!" Speedy growled, as he marched for the door. Guido grabbed hold of his tail, and pulled him back.

"We can't just rush in there without a plan!"

"Well what do expect us to do?" snapped the leader, "Do a conga line through there, and just carry Lucile out, in front of those two bird brains?"

"Simple." said Guido, with a slightly roughish grin, "Its time for a pizza break."

"A pizza break?!" exclaimed Speedy and Polly

Guido just winked, "It's quite simple really…"

There was a knock at the door.

"See who that is, would you Thirty Two."

"Right chief." said Thirty Two, as he waddled over to the door. His dark eye pressed against the lens, to see who it was.

"It's a fat pizza delivery girl, with a size twenty nine overcoat."

"I don't remember ordering any pizzas (save the one we had for breakfast)."

The door burst open, sending wood flying in all directions, as the pizza girl smashed through.

"We you're getting it weather you want it or not!" yelled Polly. Thirty Two tried to grab her from behind. Guido emerged from under Polly's overcoat, and smashed an extra saucy pizza into his face.

"I can't see!" squawked the ninja crow,

"That was the plan dude!"

The two cats drew their swords and jumped at Bad Bird, who in return, pulled out his giant blade.

Speedy used the diversion to sneak into the warehouse, easily getting past the blindly flailing Thirty Two, and making his way behind the three-person melee, approached the area behind the crates, where Lucile was being held.

"Hold still." He whispered, slicing the shackles up with his sword.

Quicker that you can say 'Damsel in distress stereotype' Lucile jumped up, yanked the cloth from around her mouth, and whipped her arms around her knight in shining armour.

"My hero!" she squealed.

With his eyes expanding, and his nostrils flaring, Speedy let out a lustful grunt.

Bad Bird's sword glided through the air, coliding with Guido's weapon. The crow raced forward, pushing Guido (Whose sword was still struggling against Birdy's) up to the pier. With a powerful jump-kick, the wicked bird blew the cat to the edge, and knocking the wind out of him.

Instinctively, Bad Bird jumped into a 360 spin swinging his mighty weapon into Polly's shinobigatana. His attack carried such a huge amount of force that it knocked Polly into a spin. As quick as she could, she followed through in a full 360 counter strike. Bad Bird hopped with another spin, as if the two of them were doing a sort of dance. They chased down the harbour, until Bad Bird noticed an anchor, lying around. Don't ask why it wasn't attached to a ship, though.

Polly leaped into the air, and came flying down, with her blade, shining in the midday sun. This was his chance. With a homicidal laugh, Bad Bird threw a small weight attached to a chain up at the feline. The weight wrapped the chair tightly around her, pinning her upper arms to her sides. With a great heave, the maniacal crow pulled Polly facedown into the ground. He picked up the anchor (The other end of the chain was attached to it), and threw it into the ocean, dragging Polly with it.

"No!" Guido screamed, as he tried to pick himself up.

Bad Bird threw his head back in a hysterical laugh, as he watched Polly struggle against the weight of the anchor.

Kicking her feet din desperation, the feline slowly raised her forearm (with much discomfort), and only just managed to reach the emergency bell around her neck. This useful device, (when tapped successfully) alerts Francine to the emergency, and in reaction, she summons a member of the Rescue Team; a quartet of specialist samurai, each trained to handle extreme emergencies. After a small ring was accomplished, Polly's muscles gave up, and her head was dragged beneath the surface of the water.

Witnessing his friend submerge, Guido fell into a blind fury. He raced at Bad Bird, his sword in one hand, and his parasol in the other. Bad Bird slipped in an amused snigger. Blinded by his anger, the cat racing towards him would be easy prey. Raising his sword the evil avian flapped his wings, and jousted at the oncoming attacker.

Everything was going black. The salt water stung Polly's eyes, forcing them shut, as a tear escaped, and instantly became lost in the deep water. She struggled to break free, but to no avail.

She opened her eyes one last time, hoping, praying. She saw a light. Was this it? After all these years, all those fights, she was dead? A figure was coming towards her, from behind the light. Her eyes could stay open no more, for the salt once again blinded her.

The figure placed a mouth piece on her delicate muzzle. It was a breathing apparatus. He then unwound the chain, and, with Polly in his arms, jetted towards the surface.

Guido fell back and rolled towards the edge, only just stopping himself from falling over. Bad Bird slowly approached dents and sword marks covering his armour from beak to talon.

"Never thought I'd see the day, when Guido Anchovy loses his cool." He chirped, "One down, one going down, and one to go."

Something burst out of the sea, and landed next to the injured samurai. A well built warrior, turned out in green armour, modelled after a submarine. Cradling the comatose Polly in one arm, he extended the other, and fired a thundering eruption of water, from his wrist mounted weapon. Bad Bird was slammed backwards, as if being hit by the world's most power fire hose.

"Great timing Spritz!" said Guido, as he stood up. The hero of the hour lay Polly on her back, "I got here as fast as I could." he said, pressing Polly's stomach (extra hard, to get through her armour).

"Is she alright?" asked the blue samurai,

"I think she'll be okay," said the green, "Though she may need mouth to mouth…"

"Don't even try it." said the red, opening her eyes; blue as the sky. Spritz face melted to the colour of strawberries, "So…um…I see you're awake now, so there's no further need for resuscitation.", he stammered.

"Well played, Dr Spritz." said Guido with a wink.

"You think a little water gun can stop me?!" roared Bad Bird, "I was the Super Soaker champion in last year's ninja crow practical jokes contest!"

The three cats stood firm, as Bad Bird menacingly approached, "And besides, I still have my secret weapon!"

The three cat's eyes pointed upwards.

"Ah, that'll be it now." He gloated, as a shadow appeared, cloaking his upper body. He turned and looked up. Only to get a foot stomping in his face, as the owner of the foot bounced off him, and joined the other three Pizza Cats.

"Where the hell were you Speedy?!" Guido yelled,

"Yeah! I almost drowned, and what were you doing to help?" added Polly,

"What kind of leader abandons his team mates, when they need him the most?!"

"I was walking Lucile home." Speedy said simply.

"Makes sense." Said Guido, in a calmer tone,

"Indeed. Lucile's quite a catch." added Spritz.

"Worth being late for a fight anytime!" chortled Speedy.

Polly was fuming. Her faced glowed a violent crimson.

"Boss! Over here!" cried 32, holding a rope, attached to a huge crate that was obviously a bit too heavy for him.

"That looks like the crate they had in the warehouse!" said Speedy.

Once again, Speedy caused everyone's face to turn blank,

"Why wouldn't it? A crates a crate, after all."

Bad bird hovered up, and opened a latch on the crate. The wooden box opened up, to revile a big robot goldfish, with a semi-human face in its mouth.

"What's its special ability? Making people laugh themselves to death?"

"Just press the button!"

The fish activated, and charged at the pizza cats, who ducked out of the way. The fish robot charged again, as the four cats leapt for cover. As it was turning, Speedy heroically stood up with both of his swords ready for action.

"Now, you Godzilla-like-guppy…"

Polly kicked him out of the way.

"Bad Bird almost drowned me! Vengeance! I demand vengeance!"

With a fiery rage burning in her eyes, Polly unleashed the power of her beautiful sword and flute technique. Building power in the two objects, she moved one arm up and the other down, slowly forming the shape of a huge heart.

"Now DIE!" she screamed firing the energy heart that cracked the fish bot on contact.

"Much better." Polly's face resumed its cheerful smile.

"She got over that anger pretty quickly." Said Spritz

"Like I said, more times than my underwear." Said Speedy.

"Wait a flower picking minute." said Guido, upon coming to a realisation, "Where'd the Chuckle Brothers go?"

The weary Bad Bird and his numbered sidekick slid the huge crate of fireworks along the floor, approaching the Big Cheese's chamber. It had taken a couple of hours to get back to the palace, lugging such a heavy crate with them. By now the sky was black, glittering with stars, and crowned with a silver moon.

"This had been a stressful day." Moaned the great ninja crow, "We'll just give this crate to the boss, and call it a night. I just hope he's not in one of his moods."

Opening the door, they were greeted by a cheesed off Cheese, red in the face, with electricity sizzling all over the place.

"No! Not near the fireworks!"

"Hey, what do you suppose they're celebrating over at the palace?" inquired Polly, pointing in the direction of the brightly coloured explosions.

"It's a little late in the year for Independence day, and too late in the month for Guy Falkes night." Said Speedy,

"Maybe they're celebrating New Years eve, a few weeks early." Suggested Guido.

The trio shrugged it off, and went back to work, just as a fast moving cloud soared ominously overhead.

To be continued


	3. Swat Cats

Swat Cats by Truro

"Four buckets of paint, for delivery please. Can we get same day delivery too? Great! See you later!" Speedy replaced the receiver.

"Was that the D.I.Y. store?" asked Francine,

"Wow. Good guess. Yeah, the new paint should be here in about an hour."

Francine's face lit up like a pinball machine, "Great! I've been hoping to repaint the kitchen, for months! So when we're done redecorating, try not to get any more blood on the walls."

"Polly's the one you should be telling." Speedy huffed.

At the palace, Big Cheese hatches his latest bird-brained plot.

"This time Jerry, we should walk away with a few handy stocking fillers."

"Indeed. Our hostile take over of the chemical laboratory building, should provide us with what we require for our grand objective."

The Big Cheese flashed out his make-up box, and quickly applied eye shadow, and lipstick faster than you can say 'Dude looks like a lady'.

"Oh Jerry, I love it when you use complicated words!" he leaped onto the old crow and smothered his face with kisses.

As Jerry screamed, Big Al Dente moved away from the door. Eavesdropping was all good, but the things now going on in the Cheese's chamber, were the last thing he wanted to hear.

The rescue team were helping the pizza cats to get the kitchen ready for the new paint work.

"Thanks for all this Catton." said Polly, "Its great to have a man who knows what he's doing with D.I.Y."

"Its nothing." smiled the old warrior, "I actually do interior decorating part time."

Meowsma O'Tool, rescue team underground operations specialist, carried the four paint buckets into the room.

"Is that the paint?" asked Catton,

"That's right." said Meowsma, handing over one of the buckets for inspection. The general inspected the tin, focusing on the yellow symbol, on the label.

"Don't think I've ever seen this brand before." he said, in his gruff voice. Meowsma took a gander,

"I think I've seen that label somewhere before." He rubbed his chin, trying to remember. Speedy, Guido, Spritz, and Bat Cat joined the discussion, dressed in their overalls.

"Don't worry, I'm sure it'll come to you." said Speedy, "Lets just get to work, and then we can get out the cludo. How does that sound?"

"Dibs on Cornal Mustard!" said Catton.

Francine darted into the room, just as the brushes dipped into the paint.

"Al's the one line! Drop what you're doing, and come quick!"

The big boss man explained the situation.

"I don't know what he wants with those chemicals, but it'll no doubt be something nasty."

"Maybe he's just hoping to get someone a chemistry set for Christmas." Speedy offered.

"Perhaps, but it pays to be sure." Al nodded, "Get over there as fast as you can. Over and out."

"Okay guys lets get our gears in gear!" said the leading character (Speedy)

"You guys go." said Catton, "We four can finish painting the kitchen, but remember, we're hear if you need any help."

"Thanks guys. Pizza Cats forever!"

"Meow!"

The trio burst out of the launcher and soared through the afternoon sky.

"The chemical laboratory building's one of the tallest buildings in Little Tokyo. So it's a good job we can shoot out of that launcher, and get straight to the top."

"Oops!" said Francine, "I didn't shoot them at a high enough angle!" her face was a brilliant red.

Speedy Guido and Polly's faces on the other hand, were brilliantly flat. That's what happens when you fly straight into a brick wall.

Sliding a window open, the three amigos toppled into the building, on the middle floor. They hurried into the broom cupboard, as two teams of sentry crows waddled down the corridor.

"Are the employees secure?" asked one,

"Sure are." said another "They're all tied up on the top floor, so we can take it easy for a while."

"Why's it always the top floor?" Speedy grumbled quietly, "Why can't they ever settle for one halfway to the top?"

The ninja crows continued their conference.

"So what does the boss say to do with them?" asked one,

"Well, if anyone tries to arrest us, our orders are to take the cute secretaries hostage."

"Hey that sounds like fun!"

"It will be when we get to take them home!" with a cackling laugh, the crows parted ways, and resumed patrol.

"Great." said Speedy, "As if dangerous chemicals weren't enough, now they have hostages."

"That's bad." Said the others

"Especially since I was never that good at the Virtua Cop games. Time Crisis was more my style. There were no pedestrians, you could just shoot like a Wildman, and you got to rescue a hot girl. What more could you ask from a video game?"

"I think the first thing we should do, is case the joint." Guido offered, "As much as I like racing into problems head on, and getting my suit messed up, I think if we plan our move carefully, we can easily come out on top."

The three activated their x-ray visors, and began scanning for the security cameras. It was nothing short of a miracle (or lousy planning on the writer's part) that they avoided being seen by the camera when they first broke in. X-raying straight up, and zooming in, they were able to see the exact position of the hostages, and Bad Bird. Hmmm… sounds a bit kinky, that line…

The cupboard door opened slightly. Three patrol crows went to investigate. The door fully opened, concealing the crows from the security cameras as paws clamped their beaks shut, and yanked then into the cupboard. Our heroes emerged within a matter of seconds, cleverly disguised as ninja crows.

"Does my butt look big in this?" asked Polly,

"Absolutely enormous." Said Speedy

"Great!" said Polly, bright as a Christmas tree, "Then I really do look like a ninja crow!"

The three amigos went towards the security camera. Next to it, they placed a small video recording device. The device activated, they set about patrolling the floor, greeting the other group of crows, as they passed.

Upon completing a fourth circuit, they hooked the recorder device up to the camera.

"Now all we have to do is set the recorded footage to a continuous loop." Guido explained, "Now, that footage is all the crow in the security centre will be able to see.",

"Hey, you're pretty good with all those high tech gadgets!" said the impressed Speedy. Guido shrugged, "What can I say? I learned from the best.",

"You mean, Guru Lou?"

"No. Tails, from Sonic the Hedgehog."

The other group of ninja crows, were patrolling the floor, the setting sun, gently illuminating their dark feathers, with a warm golden glow. They noticed that the broom cupboard was wide open, and muffled noises were emitting from it. Upon investigation, the saw three nude crows, bound and gagged at their feet. Before they had time to think of anything witty to say in commentary to the situation, they were pounced upon, by Polly Ester.

"All clear!" said Polly, as she finished gagging the last crow.

"Great." said Speedy, tapping his emergency bell, "Now to call in the cavalry."

The bell around Francine's neck began to sound.

"Meowsma! Emergency!" she knew which member of the rescue team was needed, do to knowing morse code.

Frantic Francine blundered into the Kitchen.

"Emergency! Those stupid cats need your help!",

Meowsma looked up from his painting, "I'll get right on it! Can the rest of you manage without me, for a while?"

"Sure. We're just about done anyway." said Catton,

"Hurry Meowsma!" Francine blurted, I'll set the coordinates and…!" Bat Cat put a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry yourself honey, I'll handle things here. You just go have a lie down."

"Okay. Thank you Bat Cat." And she went off to catch forty winks.

"You may have just saved my life…" Meowsma sighed.

The sun was going down, as the armoured ground element cat sailed though the air, landing gracefully in the hall, with his three colleagues.

"Good. Now that you're here, we can start the rescue operation." Said Polly

"Bringing in the rescue team, for a rescue mission. How ironic."

The odd trio, who was now an odd quartet, hopped in the elevator, back in the ninja crow costumes. They got off, on the floor, directly under the top.

Speedy reactivated his x-ray visor. "Okay, Meowsma, We'll just pinpoint the exact area, you need to cut away."

While Guido and Polly disposed of the crows patrolling the floor, Speedy marked a circle in the ceiling.

"Now, you need to cut around here. But if you accidentally cut one of the hostages in half, try not to get any blood on the carpet. The last thing we need is the cleaning bill."

The trio went up to the top floor. Bad Bird and a small army of ninjas, stood guard over the hostages.

"Stop drooling over the secretaries, you morons!" snapped Bad Bird.

"Aw come on boss, lets just have a little fun!"

"If you behave yourself, I'll let you take one home with you. But for now, keeps your hands to yourself!"

A volley of shurikens, kunai, and love hearts machine gunned into his back, and flew at the other crows, quickly taking them down.

"What the heck?!" cried the chief ninja, as he got back to his talons.

"Wherever there is injustice, you will find us." Said Guido

"Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there." Said Polly, blowing a kiss

"Wherever liberty is threatened," finished Speedy "You will find…"

"Our third Three Amigos reference!"

"Do you three even have a life outside of me, anymore?"

"I think it's pretty obvious that we don't." said Speedy,

"Do it now Meowsma!" Polly commanded. The floor underneath the hostages gave way, bringing them crashing down to the lower level, and leaving a nice big, neat circle.

"You'll pay for that!" snapped Bad Bird, "Activate the Porky Pig Robot!"

One of the few remaining Ninja crows (Number 53) activated the robot of the week; A huge robotic pig's head.

The boys drew their swords.

"Guido, you take care of the robot, and I'll handle Bad Bird! Poly, help Meowsma get the hostages to safety!"

"Right!" said Guido eagerly, "It's my turn to finish the robot!"

Speedy dived at Bad Bird taking the two of them crashing through the window. As they struggled, their eyes meet, as they came to a devastating realisation-

They were falling from the top floor of a fifty story building.

"Oh shit!" they howled, as they disappeared through the night sky.

Polly and Meowsma tore through the ninja crows guarding the lower floors, as they headed towards the ground level.

"Out of my way, you stupid birds!" Polly screeched slashing away with her claws.

As they passed one laboratory, Meowsma, noticed something very interesting.

'That's the same symbol as the one on the paint!' and what's more, he remembered where he'd seen the symbol. His face bleached a terrified white. "We're in trouble, when we get home!"

The pig robot shot two pig shaped balloons. Guido instinctively leapt out of the way, with the catlike agility that's perfectly suited to the way of the ninja and samurai.

The balloons exploded in a burst of liquid. The liquid began to melt the wall, that interrupted the balloons flight path.

"Acid! That's all I need! Couldn't it at least have been citric? This place stinks, and a hint of lemon would really freshen threw place up."

The robot fired more balloons, and Guido began to feel his muscles ache. Though, despite the pain, he was actually enjoying it. It was a feeling that he had felt before. A feeling that comes over almost every male, at least once in his life.

Guido was feeling sporty!

"Okay! Play ball!" he cheered, pulling his umbrella from its sheath, and swinging it round, ready for action. This time, when the robot shot its acid balloon pigs, from its nostrils, our hero knew EXACTLY what to do. He smacked the balloons, gently, and sent them gliding back at the robot. The lethal water bombs whistled back into the robot pigs nostrils, and blew its nose the smithereens.

"Bless you." said Guido, his sword now drawn, and ready to end the battle.

The shining blade roared into life, in an explosion of dazzling blue flames.

"Crispy bacon time!" he yelled, swinging the mighty weapon down, sending a straight wave of fire roaring through the air, and rendering to robot to roast pork.

"Time for the victory pose!" he said, resting the parasol on his back, and making the 'peace' sign with his free hand. A very stunning pose. There was one problem though-

"Why are the others never around, when its my turn to be the centre of attention?"

Polly and Meowsma had seen the last of the lab employees safely off the premises. By now, the stars were out, beautifully illuminating the night sky, like emergency lights, in an unfortunate aircraft, guiding the passengers to safety.

"Look up there!" said Polly, pointing towards a strange siluette, eclipsing the moon. Speedy had survived his fall by holding onto the leg of his avian nemesis, and using his deceptively massive weight to drag him down, as the crow flapped like mad. With a violent shake of the foot, Bad Bird was finally able to drop his unwanted passenger.

"You've ruined this for me pizza cats! But I'll be back!" he soared away, the moonlight veiling him a silver glow.

"Well, that takes care of that." said Speedy, "Now we head home, for dinner!"

"Speedy, wait!" called Meowsma. Too late. Speedy had already rocked off towards the pizza parlour.

When he got in, the smell of paint still hung in the air. Meowsma, Polly, and Guido (who somehow managed to get to the bottom of the building at super speed) burst in after him.

"Speedy, there's trouble afoot!" said Meowsma, "I remembered where I'd seen the paint symbol before!"

"Oh yeah? Where was it?"

"SPEEEEEDY!!!" Francine's scream rang into their eardrums, as the outraged businesswoman, violently clutching a frying pan, emerged from the kitchen. If not for the different size and hair colour, Speedy could have sworn Francine was a dead ringer for Polly. The small feline grabbed Speedy's ear, like an old fashioned teacher, dragging a brat off to the demon headmaster.

"Where did you see the symbol?" Guido gulped.

"It's the same brand of paint, I used to use for working in tunnels."

Guido and Polly's faces were now as pale as Meowsma's, and Meowsma's was whiter than bleached flour, mixed with snowflakes, and extra milky chocolate.

The light from the glow in the dark paint stung Speedy's eyes. He covered them as completely as possible.

"What the hell is this?!" Fran screeched, "Now we won't be able to make any bloody pizza's without bloody sunglasses! What the HELL were you thinking?!"

A thousand thoughts race through ones head at a time like this. How to blame it on someone else, what evidence proves it was me, any excuses- the list goes on. Speedy didn't have much time to think. He blurted the first thing that came to mind.

"I thought it would save money on the electric bill..."

The others were at a table, with a cup of coffee to calm their nerves.

"Poor Speedy." said Polly, "This is the first time we'll have done a post-mortem in the series."

"So what SHOULD we charge for the memorial salad?" asked Guido.

Speedy came out of the kitchen. He was a bit more relaxed than before, but his face was still quite pale.

"You're alive!" gasped Polly, "How'd you survive?"

"Francine want's us to paint the rest of the lobby with the same paint."


	4. Save the Princess!

-1Save the Princess! by Truro

Every story has its hero. The protagonist who strives towards his goal. Every story has its villain. The antagonist who makes it his duty to bring about the failure of the hero. And every story has its princess. Who sometimes, just gets everyone's fur up.

Violet, was one such princess. A cute eighteen year old bunny, raised mostly by her father; the much eccentric Emperor. Spending most of her life in power, without a strong female figure to guide her, Vi wasn't exactly the stereotype for a fairytale princess.

The bunny was scurrying down a far corridor of the palace, using a rabbits naturally amazing speed to get away from her maid of honour. It was almost time for her tuition to start. But today was too nice a day to be sitting around doing school work. The blue sky was clear from the acne of clouds, and the golden sun gently warmed the country, sparkling off the lime green grass. All Violet wanted to do at the moment, was go out and play.

Bad Bird hung in the shadows, like a black falcon, ready to break the back of its unwary prey. Vi had entered the room. She hadn't seen him. Her head bobbed out of the room, to see if her maid had caught up. She hadn't. Vi considered herself lucky to escape. But had she really been lucky? Sliding his dark wings open, Bad Bird swooped, with his talons locked out.

Two hours had passed. The sun was beginning to end the day, drifting down the western skies. The warm golden glow relaxed people, about to finish work, and head home to their loved ones.

"If I find one spec of dirt on that floor, Speedy, I'll crack your helmet open and use your hair as a mop!"

"Yes, your majesty." Speedy's sarcasm was undisguised. Polly's mood grew worse, it seemed.

"Listen you little twerp!" yelled the dictator of the pizza kitchen, "I've been up all morning cleaning up the paint spillage, from last night! So the least you could do is keep the lobby spotless, you jerk!"

Speedy stood silent. Not surprised, but perfectly calm, as he held his mop. Standing there, unphased, with a relaxed look in his soft eyes.

"Has anyone told you, that you're _really_ cute, when you whine?"

Polly's face frazzled as red as her helmet.

"You…you…!" she struggled to find the words. In the end she gave up. She turned on her heel, gave a "Rah!" and stopped back to the kitchen.

Al Dente soon made the call.

"Kidnapped?!" Speedy shrieked

"Most likely." said big Al, "On one of the palace walls, there's a bad Bird shaped hole, and right next to it is a Vi shaped hole of the same nature."

"Well we know who's behind the princesses disappearance." said Polly, "Any idea where he took her?"

"By the look of the recordings a conspiracy nut took, while looking for UFOs, he's taken her somewhere in the forest. You know, the one where that old ninja hideout was built into the waterfall."

"Don't worry boss! We'll rescue the princess!" said Speedy with much enthusiasm.

The heroes burst out of the launcher, and roared through the golden sky towards the forest. Birds in the forest sang, as they gracefully landed-

Flat on their faces.

"Oops! Sorry!" said Francine, forgetting that the victims of her miscalculated launch were miles away, and couldn't hear.

The trio picked themselves up, from the muddy slush they dive bombed into.

"One day, I swear, Francine's gonna pay for this." said Polly, "The mud's leaked into my helmet, and messed my hair up!"

"How do you think I feel?" called Speedy, "Mud stains show up more on white armour!"

The trio decided to have a quick wash before commencing the rescue operation. Forgetting their chivalry, the boys are the first to make use of the river.

"They don't pay me enough for this, Guido." Speedy sighed heavily, "Sometimes I think I'm not cut out for this super hero business. At times like this I wonder why I haven't thrown in the towel."

A look of sheer horror burst onto Guido's face. The words he had just heard, couldn't have been said. He didn't think it was possible. No matter how intense things became, no matter how rough they ever had it, he never imagined, in his wildest dreams, that Speedy Cervichie would every utter a single word along those lines.

"You mean…"

The leader removed his helmet. A spiky wave of midnight black hair cascaded down, reaching the bottom of his neck. He turned to see his partner, whose face was fixed in an expression that could be the offspring of shock and sadness.

"…you get paid?"

"Are you done yet?" asked Polly, peeping from behind a tree.

"Ah!" the boys dunked their heads below the surface of the water, to hide their naked bodies.

"Men are such babies." she moaned, "I did biology in school. Its nothing I haven't seen before."

But when it was her turn to wash…

"What are you doing with that camera, Guido?!"

"Don't tell me you weren't waiting for a chance like this!" he said with his trademark rogue smile.

"You peeping tom!" Speedy grabbed for the camera, "Have you no respect for privacy?" the words exploded from his mouth. Guido leapt up into the branches, as Polly came round the tree, wrapped in a towel. It was then that Speedy noticed how the setting sunlight gave Polly's scarlet hair a radiant glow. She was beautifully illuminated. Her soft flesh looked inviting. Polly's face faded to an expression of undisguised fury. For it was then, that Speedy realised that he was still holding the camera.

Meanwhile, our favourite crooked crow (Unless of course Jerry is your favourite) was unwinding with a cup of tea, in one of the rooms of the ninja hideout. He was contemplating how he could tell the story of how he kidnapped the princess. His original plan of jumping the rabbit from behind, silencing her with his talon, and dragging her back into the shadows would have worked fine, but he thought about how he could spice up the tale. And nothing dirty, before you ask.

How embarrassing it would be, if anyone found out that he actually tripped over his own talons, just before he could grab the girl. She spotted him, and having a bit of an attraction to bad boys, she chased him all the way back to the hideout.

To think, the strongest crow in the squadron was displayed cowardice, at the hands of a pampered little princess. His eyes glanced over to the robot. A scarecrow with a tengu mask on a pogo stick. A ridiculous looking contraption, but it was apparently made from strong stuff. Iridium had been added to the metal, as an experiment, to increase the defence, and on the bottom of the spring, was a razor sharp point. Perhaps this one would actually survive a battle with the pizza cats.

Well, the Princess was being kept in a comfortable room, under lock, key, barricade, and industrial strength, battering-ram-proof iron. Now Birdy could relax. Reaching his pocket, he pulled out a packet of cigarettes. A piece of paper fluttered to the floor. The irritated crow got out of his seat and picked it up. He wanted to keep a tidy office, dirtied only by cigarette ash, in the tray. Curiosity taking over, he opened the paper, to see what was written. A tidal wave of shock slammed onto him, as his dilated eyes swooped the page. He realised that his plan to kidnap the princess had just backfired in the most horrible way imaginable-

He forgot to leave the ransom note.

The three cats were approaching the hideout. Guido was admiring how the recent bruise circling Speedy's eye brought out the green of his iris. Polly still had a scowl on her young face, like many a violated virgin. Speedy led on. He walk in an upright manner, and moved in a proud, dignified manner. The others were beginning to notice this. Speedy was usually the lovable goof.

"What's got into you all of a sudden?" asked Guido,

"When I was a kid, my dad used to read me stories of white knights rescuing damsels and fair princesses." the noticed the excitement in his voice, and the enthusiasm twinkled in his eyes.

"I've always wanted to do something like that, no matter how politically incorrect it seems by today's standards. And now that I'm a samurai, I can!"

Polly couldn't explain the expression on his face.

_Excitement? Lust? An overload of knightly virtue? If it is lust, what does Vi have that I don't?_

_Did I really think THAT?!_

And her face began to redden

They finally approached the cave. There perched outside, where the usual squadron of ninja crows. Speedy's eyes lit up, as if he were hypnotised by the whole situation.

"Okay guys." he whispered with a level of malevolence, "We'll take them out quickly and quietly." his voice was suddenly deep, and gruff. Like an cynical ninja master. He was really getting into this white knight act.

They prowled around, like a pride of lions, ready to circle in, and pounce. Like angels of the night, they would strike- swift and silent. Leaving not a trace of the battle. Thus is the way of the legendry ninja cat.

"BANZAI!" Speedy's voice returned to its usually height, as he burst from his hiding place, like a maniac, driving into the fray.

"Swift as silent." Polly, mimicked, "As a bull in a china shop."

Speedy flashed his fist into one ninja's face, pounded him in the stomach, and finished him off, a megaton uppercut. One crow tried to jump him from behind, but was grabbed by the wily samurai , and thrown head first into the wall, of the waterfall. Guido came flying into the melee, with a sliding tackle kick, and followed up with a devastating blow to the stomach, that sent a ninja crow flying onto his back. Polly came dancing into her adversary with a series of rythmatic roundhouse kicks. Feathers, and bits of broken armour flew in every direction.

Bad Bird flew from his seat, and raced down to the entrance to the hideout, with Scare-Tengu trailing behind.

Speedy was siluetted against the setting sun, like a noble tiger, standing proudly against the heartless fury of the jungle.

"Release the princess at one you crowing cad!" he boomed, the knight fantasy showing its colours.

"Do you honestly expect me to do what _you_ tell me?" snarled the crow, "I'm not on your payroll, so I don't have to take orders from you!" the crow flew onto a perch in a tree, where he could oversee the battle.

"Scare-Tengu, attack!"

The robot leapt at the cats, who scattered out of its way. Speedy drew his sword,

"Polly! Guido! Go get the princess! I'll take care of the robot!"

A cackle escaped Bad Bird's beak. "Try all you want, but you'll never break the door down!"

Speedy swung his sword in a carte slash, as the robot sprang out of the way. His eyes darting towards the skies, he leapt after it. The sword grazed the machine. Speedy was stunned at the endurance of the metal. The Scare-Tengu span like a tornado, smashing Speedy's face with a machine gun volley of hook punches. The samurai hit the ground with a pounding crash. Bad Bird let out a cackling laugh, as he watched his nemesis rise to his feet. The crow decided that once the time was right, he would swoop like a vulture and finish Speedy with a single blow. But now was not the time. The tiger still had plenty of fight left in him.

A few feet away, Guido and Polly came face to face with the industrial strength door.

They couldn't find a keyhole so resorted to the only sensible thing they could do-

Brute force.

Polly hammered away at the door, her fists crashing into the hard metal, sending a banging noise, thundering through the forest. She kept punching until the pain barrier sunk in. Falling to her knees, she massages her knuckles with the palm of her hand. She was thankful to fate for giving her the vanity to use moisturising cream every morning.

Guido rubbed his chin, with his thumb and forefinger. Searching along the metal barricade, his dark eyes met the cave wall, the door was wedged between.

"No sign of any hinges." he said. "Maybe if we use enough force, we can pull it away."

"Beats having to wear a sling, any day." said Polly stroking her throbbing fist, like a precious stone.

Speedy and the Scare-Tengu leapt all over the place. It was like an episode of Sylvester and Tweety, with the roles reversed. He landed, and immediately had to take flight again, ah the robot came crashing down, in an attempt to crush the cat. Speedy spotted Guido and Polly struggling with giant door. The robot came down on him again. That had to be a pretty powerful spring. Leaping out of the way, to the background sound of Bad Bird's increasingly annoying cackling, an idea hit Speedy. He wasn't the sharpest sword on the rack, but his little idea could help turn the situation around.

He leaped onto a tree, that was ejasoned to the metal door. The brave samurai cat held on with all four paws, and shooting an arrogant grin at the Tengu, as if daring it to attack. The robot leapt at Speedy, with it's epee point glistening with bloodlust. At the last moment, the hero ducked out of the way, as the tengu smashed into the tree, spring first. The epee point stuck the metallic jack in the box fast to the tree. Bad Bird's lower jaw dropped all the way to his rib cage. Now was the time, Speedy though, to strike! Grabbing the robot, the cat held it at just the right angle, and used his enormous strength to push the spring closed. Reaching for his sword, he slashed at the piece of bark, the robot was jammed into, and released the pressure. Scare-Tengu shot across the field like a rocket, and smashed into the bottom half of the giant door. The loss of balance, brought the giant metal panel crashing down. With much speedy, and girlish screaming, Guido and Polly jumped out of the way just in time. Scare-Tengu wasn't so fortunate. It had been crushed by the ludicrous weight of the door.

Speedy's proud eyes glanced at Bad Bird.

"Still want to try your luck?" he sneered. The ninja crow gave a middle-finger salute and flapped away.

Speedy ran to the now open door. Princes vi was sipping a cup of tea.

"We're hear to rescue you, your highness!" he announced, shoving Guido aside.

"Not now." said Vi, "Can't you see I'm…" then she saw her hansom rescuer. "Wow! You're cute!" he bunny-hopped into his arms, and pinned him to the floor.

"My knight in shining armour!" she giggled girlishly. Guido and Polly found this amusing.

"You did say you dreamt about rescuing a princess, 'White Knight'." Guido grinned.

"And you know what happens at the end of the fairy tale." added Polly, with a smirk, "The knight gets kissed by the princess."

"C'mon, Polly." said Guido, turning tail, "Lets give these love birds some privacy." and they jetted away, with Speedy shouting after them.

Polly looked back, as Speedy struggled in Vi's embrace.

_Maybe I should…what am I thinking! No way! _

Her face was red for the next five minutes.

Bad Bird was on bended knee, in front of the Big Cheese. Ready to be blown up for the 57th time.

"The pizza cats rescued the princess sir. I failed."

"Did we _really_ fail though?" surprisingly, there was no hostility in Seymour's voice. When he turned around, he was actually smiling.

"We didn't get any ransom money, but at least we got the Pizza Cats out of town for a few hours."

"You mean, it was just a diversion, all along?" the crow didn't know what was more surprising- The fact that the boss had planned ahead, or the fact that he wasn't in one of his moods, for one.

"Exactly. While the cats are away, the rat has time to play. While you were dealing with the cat, I took this opportunity to do a little 'shopping'." a crate was placed in the corner by a pair of foot solider crows. Big Cheese opened it, and showed the contents to his enforcer.

"That's brilliant!" gasped Bad Bird.

"As my knight, you have to buy me dinner. That's how the fairy tales go!"

"That's it. I'm switching to mystery novels." groaned Speedy.

To be continued.


End file.
